You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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