I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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