I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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