I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
my poor anus
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
