good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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