3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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