take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
