Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
