Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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