i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
