What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
