I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
