you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize
