I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
