you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
