If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
