When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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