just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
