ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just threw up on my dentist
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
