just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
there is glitter all over my balls
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