I just saw a hot homeless man
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
