True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The police scanner is talking about you again....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
