It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
