dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
