Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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