I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
