Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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