Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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