Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I currently don't understand fingers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
