I'm drive I can fine osifer
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
