Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
