47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
