So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
