All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize