i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
