Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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