So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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