You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize