dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize