Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
