Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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