He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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