i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
