jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
