you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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