I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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