I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
