All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
