Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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