You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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