I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
