I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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