It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
