thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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