I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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