He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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