i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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