stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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