This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
