youre lurking in front of me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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