cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
