I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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