i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize