i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
