So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
