brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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