She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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