well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
