You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
