This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
