There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
