i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
