we're chasing vodka with high fives
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
