I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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