I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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