I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
