Pants 0. Shit 1.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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