this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
