Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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